The terrible twos

Submitted by Kelly Evenson on July 17, 2009 - 12:10am

Where, exactly, do children learn to throw temper tantrums? My daughter is not even two, 16-months to be exact, and she can hurl herself to the floor so quickly, you are left wondering what happened. It started out slowly. She would get mad and sort of sit there, half crying, half flinging her arms, really not sure what to do to get what she wanted.
Then, over the last few weeks, I have noticed that the tantrums have become increasingly worse and much to my dismay, more like an actual temper tantrum. And what surprises me the most is how quickly they came about. It is almost like my daughter is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - one minute sweet, happy and laughing and the next a short little monster who starts throwing toys or any object she can get her hands on.
My husband and I have started to try the whole "time out" approach with her, although I am not sure how much a 16-month-old really understands. I mean we will sit her on the couch or place her in her crib and make her sit there for several minutes, but normally, all that produces is a really angry child. She understands the meaning of "no," but consistently ignores us. I am afraid the strong-willed nature of this little fireball is going to be a force to be reckoned with as she gets older.
My favorite technique, though, is one used my my own mother with my younger brother. His tantrums were what legends are made of. Full body tantrums that would carry on for hours. All my mother would do is laugh, take a picture and ignore him. I think there might be entire photo albums dedicated to his tantrums.
But what about the other parents out there? What advice would you give to help curb tantrums and start introducing a bit of discipline into a 16-month-olds life?

Filed under:

Comments

Thank you all for your suggestions. At this point, any help from those who have been there is appreciated. Most of the time, she is a great, happy and fun-loving kid. But in a matter of seconds that can change when something is not going her way.  I believe she is a mini-control freak. I think back to the days where she was immobile and lying in her crib. Those were much easier that a child I now have to chase!

Submitted by Kelly Evenson on July 20, 2009 - 2:30pm.

........every child is different and responds differently to negative or positive reinforcement......at 16 months?......time out or spanking  probably isn't going to be well understood......I would think that letting the child express their emotion for a bit and ignoring it would be the best at THIS point......if the child throws a tantrum in a store as I have seen on many occasions.........use your best judgement for whether or not a few swats would be beneficial.........as far a home tantrums?..........after a while when the child realizes that there is no benefit or response from the parent  for "throwing the tantrum"...........most will just  greatly shorten their "tantrum"........of course "everything with a grain of salt".........if the child continues for a 20 minutes or whatever?......I think a little "negative reinforcement " would be in order........swats on the bottom.......consequences............you don't want to suppress the entire emotion intially......I dont' think that;s healthy.......they ARE a child.....and don't know hOW to control themselves yet........holding things in or "bottling up" might set bad precedents..........moderation.......even in tantrums.........ROFL...........nothing works for evrything or evrybody............curve balls seem to be the rule for kids............different personalities......different methods.....which should evolve as the child grows older and can understand more.........timeouts......taking away privileges or toys..........generally a believer that postive reinforcement is better than negative......but some people ONLY respond to negative.......pushing the limits of what a human can stand...........ROFL.............may I suggest some Bose headphones to block noise.......or some nice OSHA approved earplugs like they wear when they use a jackhammer................

eldoggg

Submitted by eldoggg on July 17, 2009 - 12:54pm.

At that age if its constant I would check health & enviroment???
something is buggn the kid???
My sister pinned a diaper to me one day and I screamed for hours until they changed the diaper?????

Submitted by mminnoe on July 17, 2009 - 1:06pm.

........ouch.....not a bad idea......the kid might have chronic heartburn or gas or something..........

eldoggg

Submitted by eldoggg on July 17, 2009 - 1:12pm.

YEA CHOLIC ETC

Submitted by mminnoe on July 17, 2009 - 1:19pm.

Try to be smarter than the kid. Is she trying to do something and can't do it. Does she want, or need, something she isn't getting? Time out is usually reserved as a punishment for something and the child recognizes what they did wrong. If you can't figure out what her problem is it may be best to just let her have her fit of anger. If nothing is wrong with her she will soon get tired of it and go on about her play. It probably bothers you more than it does her.  Punishing anger generally just gets more anger and resentment.

Submitted by civil on July 17, 2009 - 9:55am.

One thing that worked on my kiddos was the smack of the hand when they threw their temper tantrums or a smack on the butt.  I also did what dwood suggested to you and that also worked.  Other than that the one other thing I still do is do a sit down time out......  It is where you have the child sit down in front of you, you hold their hands and count to 10 if they are screaming and crying wanting to throw then don't start counting until they are done.  This will keep her from hurting herself or anyone or anything else......  Wants she has calmed down then start the counting.  It works for two of my kiddos and I don't have a problem with them much anymore.  FYI- Gots to go now, hubby yelling!

Submitted by dragonlady on July 17, 2009 - 7:27am.

I have 2 things I did with my kids and one only had to be done once. The first is pretty much what your mother did. I would either ignore the tantrum totally or I would laugh and act like nothing at all was going on. I'm not sure what a 16 month old will be thinking about a time out.
 
The 2nd thing I did when I thought the tantrum was getting way out of hand was to go get a glass of cold water and throw it on them to cool them off. It was usually a little bit of a shock and from then on out I would just say I'm going to get the glass of water and they would start to calm down.
 
Don't worry though, I have 5 kids and the tantrums stage didn't seem to last that long.

Submitted by dwood87 on July 17, 2009 - 1:07am.

Normal
0

Now U gotta remember I’m old school, but when I acted like that……..
My Mom used to give me about a second, with a, “Get up or I’ll give U something to cry about???”
And then jerk me to my feet and beat my A$$???/
But that’s how we did it in the 50’s ???

Submitted by mminnoe on July 17, 2009 - 9:09am.

As they got older they would get spankings, but I'm not big on giving out spankings to a child that can barely talk, probably wouldn't have understood the comment and all the sudden their mom or dad is spanking them.
 
Course, all my kids are old enough now that they don't get spankings anymore. Every once in awhile I'll threaten one for the youngest one, but that's enough to straighen out whatever she's doing that she shouldn't be.

Submitted by dwood87 on July 17, 2009 - 11:33am.

......ROFL.......I had a freind who's mom was spanking him one day....( I heard this story second hand).....the dad says "what did he do?".........the mom says ..."nothing yet but we're going to the store and I know he's going to need one......so I'm giving it to him now"............

eldoggg

Submitted by eldoggg on July 17, 2009 - 9:52am.

that was the way Mom's used to think??
I just got back from price choppers wow is it nice out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Submitted by mminnoe on July 17, 2009 - 11:16am.

.........it doesn't get any nicer than this for July........sweet..........

eldoggg

Submitted by eldoggg on July 17, 2009 - 12:40pm.